Johnny Fishsticks Loves You

Category: Staff

  • happy birthday, rob zombie

    it was hard to find a picture of rob zombie where he wasn’t already wearing a hat but we got there in the end. I did have a party hat that looks like his jam though.

    a thing that would be fun would be to stop being sick. it is beginning to wear on me mentally and not just physically. It would also be super fun to sleep all day but then I’d probably end up with a big headache.

    unfortunately not much happened that was interesting today except I got my new stickers and Bobby WaffleCone said he doesn’t like blonde roast because he’s a real man.

    I had to remind him that we have the same amount of testicles and he said that was reductive and to go talk to HR.

    see y’all on Monday maybe

  • happy birthday, mary j. blige

    mary j. blige is older than me but somehow looks like I should be babysitting her which is absolutely amazing because she was all over the radio when I was in high school. I’m glad she’s still doing so well.

    it’s not snowing anymore here which is good but also a little sad. I talked to an old friend and boyfriend of mine because snow is his entire life and there was more snow on the ground here than there was in Wisconsin which is a little terrifying. It’s almost gone now though. The snow here, not Wisconsin.

    tomorrow is a little exciting because I’m going to give a little gift to a friend. I would like to slip it into their bag so they find it later but we will see if it happens.

    Let’s check in with Bobby WaffleCone

    looks like he’s taking his legally-mandated 45 minute break. He’s an excellent intern, we look forward to welcoming him fully to the Johnny Fishsticks Family soon.

    please go check out my friend Kurt’s podcast that he hosts with my other friend Krista! It is about paranormal things and tasting things that might be gross, and sometimes it is just nice to hear his voice again because we have been friends for a long time and he is nice.

  • happy birthday, pat benetar

    I liked pat benetar as a kid. She gave me very confusing ideas about bodysuits but I liked that girls could have short hair.

    it snowed here again so the place where I’m staying has been a thrilling drive but it’s melting off so I’m sure tomorrow it’ll mostly be gone. This is typical for January in Texas.

    I spent the day trying to decide what fun thing to do and ended up watching the first Rambo movie. I do not think a lot of people actually watched that movie because the kind of people I see dressed like John Rambo would probably say John Rambo was a weenie for crying.

    today was Bobby WaffleCone’s first look at snow and while he found it baffling that the world had disappeared, he also thought it might be nice to chew on or just bite. His paws are small and soft though and must be protected.

    he was very proud of his nice sweater though and did a violence when I tried to help him out of it so I guess he can keep it unless he poops on it and then I think we have to consult a mediator.

  • happy birthday, elvis presley

    happy birthday, elvis presley

    when I lived in Chicago, my roommates and I made vegan peanut butter and banana cupcakes that weren’t actually called “The Elvis” but the recipe yielded about 8 cups of peanut butter frosting and resulted in us sitting on the couch eating it with spoons until we hated the sight of it, and I feel like Elvis would have approved.

    I found an unattended domino in the parking lot of a Daiso so i decided to see what the universe has in store for me via divination, which I have no experience with, so i consulted a number of websites to get an average. After tossing out the ones that were blatantly racist i came up with two sources and according to them I’m going to have a visitor who will give me some good news.

    fingers crossed it’s a harbinger of some sort and not just mormons again

    let’s check in with Bobby WaffleCone to see if he’s finished rebooting.

    oh good, looks like the cheese sommelier update was successful. He’s working on the aroma portion of the study guide and hopefully will be able to move on to identifying defects in cheese eyes.

  • happy birthday, nicolas cage

    nicolas cage’s middle name is Kim. No joke, I just think it’s a fun middle name. You don’t think of Kim as a middle name. Every Kim I’ve ever known has had a lot of first name energy.

    im still sick. I feel like at this point it’s just mocking me. I had one appointment today but took the rest of the day off so I don’t have to move anymore. I’m the boss, I get to do that. It’s in the bible. No I won’t show you which page.

    9 out of 10 doctors tell me that the absolute best thing to do when you have bronchitis and are infested with respiratory shoggoths is go looking for a pirate ship so I drove to one of the local lakes and was alarmed to discover that the lake pirates had taken off.

    this is significant because 2 weeks ago this lake was lousy with pirates. I truly do not know where these pirates have gone. This lake is in the middle of a suburb. i plan to keep tabs on the situation, as there is always the possibility that when summer hits and the lakebed is visible the ship will make an appearance.

    let’s check in on Bobby

    looks like he’s still updating. We’ll check back in with him later.

  • happy birthday, kate mckinnon

    I almost had a meltdown in whole foods today over them moving the dolmas, so I guess I’m feeling better. I know it makes me sound like an asshole but it is irresponsible of them to do things like this in january when everyone is already wound pretty tight.

    I went to Finn’s Place today, which is a super nice place to just hang out and chill, and share my dolmas that I finally found in the cheese area with Zoe. I also got to hear about some political stuff that made me mad. It should make you mad too, but not right now. Now you should go hydrate. Do it for Kate McKinnon, who is very silly and looks good in trousers.

    let’s check in on Bobby WaffleCone.


    Yeah that seems about right.